Below you will see a picture of a bicycle. Her name is Heristorsen, because that's what I called my rocking-horse when I was 3.
Now, some of you may not be so au fait with bikes as your able narrator, so I'll take you through some of the notable features.
Wheels:
It's got 'em. Two of them, to be precise. To be honest, this was a cause for concern for me in the shop, as I was unsure how two wheels could possibly remain upright when travelling along. In fact, I'm still not sure. However, my requests for 4, 6 or perhaps even 8 wheels were greeted with a disdainful tut and much shaking of the head from the long-suffering shopkeeper. So two wheels it remains.
Saddle:
It's got one of them too. As a responsible customer, I was sure to check that one was included before I rode off. The saddle is made of leather, and is slightly harder than a comfortable anvil. I am assured that after 200 or 300 miles it will break in and mould to the shape of my rump. I am more inclined to bet that my rump will be doing the moulding, until I have a perfect saddle-shaped impression where my anus used to be.
Frame:
This is the bit of the bike that stops all the other bits of the bike from simply being bits of a bike, and turns them into a bike by holding them together. It is made of steel.
Bags:
I have various bags hanging offf the bike. There are three at the back, two on the front wheel and one on the handlebars. I put them all on myself, which pretty much guarantees them to fall off every five miles. Inside, there is a tent, a cooker, a sleeping bag, a few clothes, a medical kit, some spares and tools, and a penny whistle. And a multitude of other crap that is surely destined to find a final resting place on some roadside verge as soon as I get tired of lugging it around.
Deck-chairs:
These will not be coming with me.
Various accesories:
In addition to the above, I have also put a number of other things on to the bike, all of which I am assured are crucial, and none of which I am sure that I need. There is a bell for tinging pleasantly every 3 minutes, a speedometer to see exactly how slow I'm moving, bar ends to give my hands yet another uncomfortable position to hold the bars in, lights which I will use when I intend to cycle at night (which is never), a pump to hit aggressive dogs with in Romania, and brakes. Because what I really, really want to do after struggling and slaving with my poor legs to pick up enough speed to actually get anywhere, is to squeeze my hand effortlessly and come to a standstill. Fortunately, I don't intend to stop, so I can use my brake-levers to hang windchimes from. Which will be nice.
So anyway, that's about it. I leave on Monday, and will try and keep this updated reasonably frequently. Until then, enjoy the sun!
