Hello Wednesday. How are you? I'm afraid you just missed Tuesday - he nipped off last night. He should be round again next week, so you might catch him if you get here early.
Today we have the guest blog stylings of Tom Askew - Buried in Pompeii's guitarist and all round good egg. But first, I quickly want to run through The three things I currently dislike about my bathroom (in pictures).
#1 - The Toilet Water
It's gone green. It used to be a lovely, clear, watery colour, and now it has gone green bacause Tim, while bored, has put something in the cistern that will supposedly 'clean the bowl'. It's a toilet bowl, Tim - trying to clean it is very much like trying to polish a turd. Anyway, asides from giving you the impression that you're peeing into nuclear waste, the colouration of the water makes it very hard for you to inspect your bowel movements in any kind of detail. Obviously, I don't feel the need to inspect or even photograph my doings, but some of my guests might and I feel that the new toilet water will marr an otherwise pleasant stay.
#2 - The Thick Bathmats
I don't like 'em. They're soft, thick and luxuriant. I want to bury my face into them every time I see them, which is obviously completely unhygenic. I want to get out of the shower onto things that look like they're meant to be walked on by wet, glistening people. I don't want to feel like I'm drying myself in the billiard room of a stately home. I think this one is just me though.
#3 - The New Shower Head
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for change. And the old shower head did seem to have something living in it. But this new one... words fail me. As you can see from the photo I took not half an hour ago, the streams of water are very nearly parallel to each other all the way down. This is not a shower, it's a giant head-tap. I tried twisting it, but the streams just got closer together. Every time I have a shower (which is frequently) I have to position each individual part of my upward-facing body under this small, teacup-sized area. I am now at my wits end, and am thinking of starting a Facebook group entitled 'Bring back Dan's proper shower head.' In fact, if anyone want's to do so on my behalf, I will be happy to join.
Right, bathroom tribulations over, it's time to feast down on today's guest offering. Now, I don't know a lot about football, except that it probably involves feet and a ball. But Tom does, and better still, he also knows a hell of a lot about hair. Combining his almost encyclopaedic knowledge of both these subjects can't have been easy, but somehow he's done it, and in an award-winning FHM-style kind of... style. So, I give you...
The Tom Askew Top Five Hair Heroes of Football (with bonus free looky-likeys!)
#1 - Kevin Keegan
...with special looky-likey The Hulk!
#2 - Alexi Lalas
...with bonus unrelated ginger nutter!
#3 - Carlos Valderrama
...with some dude out of the Hair Bear Bunch!
#4 - Sir Bobby Charlton
...alongside my doodle of Bobby Charlton on an egg!
#5 - Last but not least, Chris Waddle
...with a special surprise appearance from your Dad!
Thanks for that Tom!
That's it from us. Take care all!
This blog is brought to you by some band or other, I forget which. It was written by Dan and Tom.
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